The brain learns by repetition, repeat exposure, reminders. Often I’ve had insights arrive in my gray matter—sweet aha moments that soothe my worries and send waves of relief over my weary soul—only to just as soon forget those insights and find myself back in the mire of suffering, straining to recapture the relieving thoughts I once held firmly in my grasp. Thankfully over time I have learned to keep note of my insights (and others’) to revisit them as often as needed. This gives my brain opportunities to review and marinade in the sweet, sweet wisdoms of life.Continue reading →
Whoever said that everything you need to know in life can be learned in high school English class was onto something.
With a light green pen, age 17, I copied the following information into my class notebook. Continue reading →
Much credence is given to the phrase and concept of “letting go.” We hear it all the time in popular psychology, and I’m personally fond of the phrase. However, it’s opposite rings true, too: “Let it come.”
Let it come. Open yourself up to receive. Feel the expansion of your heart chakra. A momentary flush of vulnerability may accompany this opening — an impulse to coil back inward. Sit with the feeling of that response; acknowledge it as a defense mechanism, and then recognize your ability to dispel unnecessary defenses. Allow the fright to pass. Know that you are safe. It’s OK to open up; it’s OK to receive your deepest wishes. Let your wishes come back to you as if they were boomerangs that sprouted wings along their journey and returned to you even brighter, even lighter, and even more refined than when you sent them out as wishes.
It’s all coming to you.
You need not meet it halfway.
Your search is over.
Let it come.
At the turn of 2015 I vowed to stop reading. It was truly a new year’s resolution to close the book, close the browser, close anything displaying too much text. I was fed up and sick on information. My gluttony was intellectual and spiritual, as I sought wisdom, instruction, knowledge, validation, and answers in everything I read. I cannot say when this behavior took hold, but it advanced and accelerated in college and hardly slowed afterward. I had always read voraciously to nourish and inform my soul, never slowing to consider the side effects, because no one ever said that reading was bad for a person. No one ever let on that it could make one feel overwhelmed, uneasy, dizzy and disoriented, ill by over-consumption.
The resolution did not stick, and of course, it wasn’t really meant to, not forever that is. Still, no more than twenty four hours passed before my reading habits resumed, not even slightly curbed. I gulped articles over work breaks, downloaded books in PDF format and read them on my monitors in intervals between tasks. I fell asleep with volumes of poetry and essays beside my bed. I practiced Dutch with local newspapers and gorged the etymology of unfamiliar English vocabulary. My hungry eyes raced across pages like the eyes of a ravenous man scan the contents of a buffet. I had always wanted to taste it all—until I did not want another morsel.
During a conversation I had with my father roughly two years ago, he stopped me mid-sentence and, in efforts to rectify one of my runaway trains of thought regarding my relationships to writing and reading, said, “But honey, reading is an escape; writing is an expression.” He went on to encourage me to practice more of the latter, even if it meant less of the former. This struck me as an at once bold and inspiring assertion. The realization was there, though, and made explicit: The acts of reading and writing are complements, and a balance must be struck, tailored to each literate individual. Reading does not have to be an escape, and indeed my undergraduate training was in reading actively rather than passively, but admittedly I had been grazing words, sentences, essays, articles, and books constantly—only occasionally stopping to digest. Full digestion, for me, means reifying my reading experiences by putting them into my own words, by writing about how those experiences influence me.
The gluttony persists. My constipation, too, persists, and this blog post is an attempt, once again, to abjure. This time not to abjure the act of reading entirely, but to renounce its primary claim on my time and vital energies. For a spell, that is. I shall turn my attention to writing more prolifically. I shall detoxify my system by abstaining from too many new impressions and by purging those which have gone stale and clogged my system. I shall let that which has gone into me find its way back out.
I will not hold myself to refined expression. This is an untried experiment for me and ipso facto will be messy and unpredictable. For once in my life I shall not balk due to arguments of quality versus quantity. My intention is to spew. My intention is to get messy, to let go of words and see how they arrange themselves on the page.
I am ripe with education and experience, skin nearly bursting to share what is within. Others may now take a bite of me. And my hope, of course, is that the menu will become more appetizing with practice and with time.